Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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