you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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