i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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