Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
