that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
