I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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