I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
