Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
