Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
