She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
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Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
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He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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