He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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