you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
