i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
