just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
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Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
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I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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