yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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