I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
