Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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