moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
