So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
