i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
