my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
