No awkward lesbian experiences without me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
