I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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