There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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