Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
