My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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