Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
