Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
