I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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