Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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