remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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