I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
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On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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