If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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