My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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