he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
