We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
