I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
