After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
