k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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