My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
