he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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