i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
