I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
