You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
