and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
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So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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