I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish you could order shots online.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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