census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
