didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
