Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
