i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
