i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
