***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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