only if we run a train.
done.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You have to summon your inner elephant
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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