8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
