Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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