This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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