Already got asked if we're dating
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
