just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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