I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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