i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.