I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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