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I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
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