Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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