He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
