I need to stop coming to work sober
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
