Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
