She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
