I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
