Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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