I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
