May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Fuck appropriateness.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
