:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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