what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
