Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
