No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
